what are snails even trying to do
That’s really all I want right now. I don’t wanna be some 18 year old who can’t figure out her life. I wanna be something. I wanna do great things. I wanna see the world. I wanna help people. I wanna be great.
I want a lot of things but I haven’t put any effort into achieving them. If I’m gonna make something of myself I have to work hard. I have to forget about this juvenile social life that I have been aiming for since I was a freshman. High school is over for me and all I have been doing is trying to gain the acceptance of people I may never see later in life. Let’s face it, the life you dreamt up in high school isn’t reality. I’m finally starting to see where my priorities have been and it’s time to organize and grow up. To me being 18 was a time when I would get freedom. Freedom from my controlling mother, freedom to express myself with out boundaries or consequences. I thought that being 18 would open doors for me but I didn’t realize that it was just a number. 18 is what pushes you to start your life and I mean really start it. Sometimes I wanna pause and enjoy life and not have to think about how things will affect me later on but that’s not reality. Every year on my birthday I make a promise to my self that this will be the year, the year I don’t fuck up too much, the year I finally make people proud, the year I make something of myself. And every year I break that promise by getting caught up in life.
Damn it half of this probably doesn’t make sense and I don’t know how many people are gonna see this since I hardly ever go on tumblr any more, but that is besides the point. What matters is that I’m finally speaking my mind and not caring how people perceive me or my actions. I’m just getting my thoughts out there because the mind can be a daunting place when you have no one to share it with. But that’s the thing about the internet there are millions of ppl out there trying to find someone who feels the way they to, to have someone understand. You just have to start putting your self out there. This is my epiphany if you will, I am gonna make something of myself, I’m gonna matter, all because I’m choosing to finally live my life for me. I’m not living for my friends or the parties, I’m not living for my parents, I’m living for me. Life before was just a prequel, now is where the story truly begins, and it begins with me.